Past Lives

 

Just a bit of a random entry, about life stuff that makes me reflect. Last week we got together with a few people that I went to church with from about 5^th grade through college. We went to a small Baptist church called Hillside with Grandpa Ken and Grandma Patty. There were only ever about 15 or so kids near my age range, but about 8 of us were closer and spent all those years together. They were not my closest group of friends since I didn’t attend school with any of them, and yet we had a lot of meaningful moments together, as well as the fact that I dated a few of the girls.

The strange thing was, well I guess its not all that strange to grow apart after living very different lives the past 15 years, but the strange thing was I had this feeling I was looking at them from a distance. Maybe a better way to put it is walking down a street, and you see someone familiar approach, but you are with friends and they are as well, so you don’t stop to speak, you just make eye contact as you pass, silent recognitions in each of you that there was once familiarity, intimacy, a closeness, but that has passed, and would be difficult to rebuild.

We took you guys to the park with us to meet them, and two of the girls, now women, that I was closer to were there. We mostly made small talk, each of us being parents, nearing 40, the life we knew with one another seemed so very ethereal. I remember Jenna used to be hilarious, she and I would joke constantly, she could light up any room. When my grandfather died she came to the funeral to be there with me. I hung out with her friends and her on the weekends sometimes, we watched countless movies together, we kissed once, but immediately realized we were only every supposed to be friends- it was a pretty funny and instant mutual understanding. Kandy was there as well. She was my first girlfriend, yea at a small church you kind of end up dating everyone at some point. We went to Alt rock concerts together, she always wanted to be a surfer girl, and loved ska music. She was really wholesome, and I always loved that. I remembered sitting on a beach with her while we were youth group leaders at a place called Camp Surf in San Diego. I had just started dating your mother, I don’t think she was dating the man that would eventually become her husband yet. I just remember talking in the moonlight, most likely about life and dreams, I don’t remember the content, just that we were there once together in a place she loved and wanted to remain.

You might live one life, but it seems you often live many, and sometimes the people who are very important to you are only so for a season, a fellow traveler for part of the trail, but they have a different destination that eventually diverges from yours. I feel so melancholy about it at times, but that might just be my yearning for youth. I often feel the same way when I see videos of you three when you were younger. It’s the knowledge that I existed with you in that place, and the gladness for the joy we shared, but the pain that you have matured, and are no longer fully who you were then. Your little voices, innocence, outright wonder, unabashed love. The bible says at the end of our lives we will pass through the fire, that we will not be burned, but that we will smell like smoke. The fire is to remove the worldly things, things that must remain behind. When I pass through you will remain, God has made you a part of me, the love I hold for you, the joy you wove though my life, it is eternal.

Girls, I tell you some of the most meaningful relationships I had growing up were with women. I didn’t date all of them, some I wanted to, others were always just friends. I didn’t get to grow up with sisters so perhaps that is why they had even more of an impact on me. As women it will be tough for you sometimes, I am sure, some guys you hang out with will most likely always harbor a quiet desire to be more than your friend, maybe if they are lucky it will be reciprocated. Others will just be like brothers, ones that look out for you, that know a part of you they feel called to protect because you are special to them. It is a beautiful unique thing to be non-romantic friends with people of the opposite sex. I pray for your friends almost every week, because they are such an important part of life. Love you girls.

Rwanda

 

Summer 2022. Your mother and I had been wanting to return to Africa for quite a few years now. The last time we went was 9 years ago, we spent two weeks in Mozambique serving at an orphanage in Maputo, and then one week on safari in South Africa. This time our destination was the beautiful country of Rwanda, it exceeded all of our expectations.

I continually said during the trip, “I feel like we are in the garden of Eden”. Everything was green, well cultivated, peaceful, and somehow a bit otherworldly. We began our trip in Akagera, a national park that hosts most of the wildlife Africa is so famous for. We spent 3 nights in a tented lodge on the banks of a lake, each night after dinner on the deck overlooking the water we could hear the hippos coming up to graze on the grasses, in the morning we would have our coffee on the same deck and then go and explore the park. There were rivers, rolling hills and expanses of grassland. We saw many zebra, buffalo, elephant and numerous other birds and mammals. The lions and leapords eluded us this trip, but I do hope to return someday to try our luck again. One highlight was having lunch in the middle of a vast savannah with some rhino in the distance, and enjoying some gin with our guide Jean-Marie. 

From Akagera we headed to Volcanoes national park, the destination for many international visitors due to the prize it holds, mountain gorillas. Before our gorilla trek though I signed us up for what I thought would be an easy, touristy type hike up an extinct volcano called Mount Bisoke with a summit that is 3,711 meters above sea level. The hike began well enough, through some flat farmlands in the morning fog and light rain and then up some gently sloping almost rainforest like slopes. The trees and scenery were magnificent, the mud we had to walk through was not. When I thought we were halfway our guide began to laugh saying we had only done the easy part, for some reason I thought he was messing with us, unfortunately for me he was not! It became a 4 hour ascent up increasingly steep and muddy slopes, thankfully we had hired porters to help with our bags, and with literally holding our hands on the steepest and muddiest portions. Without their aid it might have been a 5 hour ascent, and perhaps I would have done some of it on all fours. There is nothing quite like thinking you wont be able to accomplish something, wrestling with it in your mind, trying not to let yourself give way to turning back to safety and comfort, persevering, and receiving the prize. Well, we persevered and were rewarded with a spectacular view of the country below, and the lake that sits at the center of the volcanic crater. The feeling of joy and accomplishment, mixed with a healthy dose of relief as we rested on the summit will not be one I forget soon.

The day after our hike was the long anticipated one, the day we would get to spend an hour with a mountain gorilla family. In the morning all the tourists that will be trekking for the day gather at the visitor center and are broken into groups and assigned a guide and a family to visit. Our family was called Kwitonda, it had 20 members including two silverbacks that were brothers. We hiked for about an hour through a pathless forest, our two guides in front hacking with machetes through the bamboo and vines, while communicating with the trackers who locate the family every morning. Slowly we emerged into a clearing and we began to see black shapes in the distance, then suddenly we seemed to be amongst the family.

It is hard to describe the feeling of awe we all were held captive with for that hour. These gentile animals that seemed almost mystical due to their rarity in this world, and to surviving coming to the brink of extinction. I stood near the Silverback as he slowly observed his visitors, casting his eyes occasionally on us in between small interruptions of feeding. Around us his wives and children groomed one another, played, swung on branches above our heads which felt like they were showing off, and the youngsters cuddled with their mothers. They were so quiet, and content, they felt like Rwanda in a lot of ways. Seemingly at peace, surrounded by a beautiful eden, contemplative, a family that had survived past tragedy. At the end of our hour we sat while the troop marched up the mountain to bed down, at times they were only an arms length away from us. The dominant Silverback was the last up the hill, we thought we had moved out of his way but I guess he had another path in mind. He ended up passing directly where we were standing as we quietly and respectfully moved out of his path. Watching him go by was awe inspiring, such strength and beauty, it was all just splendidly magnificent.

Our last stop for Rwanda was Nyungwe Forest National Park. On the way there we had lunch on the banks of Lake Kivu, it was like a tropical paradise. Mom and I swam in the water which to us was a perfect temperature. Nyungwe is home to a lot of primates, some people do Chimpanze trecks but we opted for two adventures, hiking to a waterfall and a sky canopy walk on suspension bridges above the trees. The hike was wonderful, we had the trail to ourselves- and 5 different species of monkeys and numerous bird species. The forest was absolutely beautiful, and following the river up to a massive waterfall was an amazing experience. The canopy walk was just an interesting perspective on how large the park is, I am not a fan of heights but felt totally secure.

That mostly sums up Rwanda. As I was writing this I just started thinking about our last day, mom and I kind of took it easy until our evening flight. It was fun just seeing more of Kigali with her and reflecting back on our week. I guess I also omitted that we began our journey with a visit to the genocide museum. It was very well put together, telling personal stories of an event that claimed the lives of between 800,000 to 1M people. One of the most striking things was that often time it was neighbors killing people they had been friends with. People in close knit communities were turned against one another over the course of a few years. The Hutus told their people that the Tutsi owed them something, that they looked down on them, and were responsible for all the negative things that had happened to the Hutus. The Hutu leaders created hearts of envy, resentment, bitterness and eventually enough hatred that they could kill children they used to care for in many cases. It was a sad reminder of what evil the human heart can be capable of if we drink those poisons that blind us to the humanity of others. The end of the museum is focused on the beautiful healing that has taken place since that time. People coming together to forgive, not even identifying any longer as Hutu or Tutsi, rebuilding what is now one of the most prosperous and peaceful countries in all of Africa. I hope someday to go back with the three of you. Next I will write about our family adventure to Alaska!

2022 Catch Up

 

Ok so once again I have been terribly delinquent in writing…. No excuses, just poor planning and execution/ time management on my side. Good news is that a lot has happened! Ill give a broad rundown and then from now on get a bit more specific in each of your personal notes near the end.

First big thing is we invested in ski gear…. And then proceeded to get injured/ sick! This past year we went skiing with the Login’s to Purgatory- just north of Durango CO. First day started off well enough- ski school was open this year so that’s where you all went for half a day. Well on our second run Mrs. Gabby had a bad fall and tore her ACL and I believe MCL- good news is she is on a good road to recovery. That happened about the same time that Cora was getting very sick, so by halfway through day one we had two back at the house recovering. Then I took Deacon for our last run of the day…. After a fall he caught by binding with his ski while I was getting him back up and wretched my leg around so hard I felt like I tore something. I managed to make it down, but I skipped out on skiing the second day. I made it back to the slopes with Cora by day 3 and we got some good runs in- but all in all it was a rough trip from that perspective. We did however have a great time as families together

Next on the list I guess that was eventful was spring break. We did a camping trip to a place in AZ I had actually never been to- near Aztec Peak. It was beautiful, a creek running right by our campsite, a great overlook from the mountain top over eastern AZ, you guys all exploring and being brave. We took some time at the summit of Aztec peak to stop and pray, thanking God for the works of his hands, the beauty he has fashioned for us, the time we had together as a family and so many other blessings. That night we made hobo pie which consists of hamburger, onion and potatoes wrapped in tinfoil and thrown into the coals of the fire. You guys wolfed it down, and then Quinn proceeded to ask every 5min when we could make smores! We had to gather a lot of firewood as it was in the 40’s at night- cold for us Phoenicians. It was fun climbing into the tent and getting all snuggled in. Dixie waited patiently at the door as we got settled and then darted in and greeted each one of us. Quinn, she picked you to sleep on for most of the night.

The next day we checked out a waterfall and then headed to explore the creek some more before departing. You guys were doing great crossing the creek and climbing on things, being brave and appreciating how beautiful the area was. We stopped for a snack in a spot with a really pretty waterfall and Cora found a seat on an old log hanging over the creek. Well that log was not as strong as it looked and as she was bouncing on it there was a crack- down went Cora, and the log, on top of her leg. Quinn you were also sitting on the log, and I turned and grabbed it quickly as you fell off in the direction it was rolling towards. All in all it could have been much worse.

Cora could not walk and was in a lot of pain, so I carried her to the truck and gave her some Advil. Luckily, we were packed up already, so we headed for home. One visit to the Urgent care and two x-rays later we learned she had broken her tibia and fibula. Cora, you did well and were brave through the whole thing- in one more week you get your cast off and will be able to walk again!

Shortly after all of this I began my new role as the Western Sales Director. I had been wanting to get back into sales for a few years now and this was a great opportunity to do so. I was offered another position that was perhaps more glamorous and would have been better for upward mobility in the company, but more and more my goals are to have the lifestyle I want, not to trade too much of my time for a little more money that wont begin to buy back the things I am giving up to get it. We also would have had to move to Atlanta. As much as I like GA too much of our lives is here, and we have such a fantastic community I just don’t see being able to replace it, or that even $2M a year would be worth doing so. This world measures us in very different ways than it should, and I feel drawn to pursue that which it would deem of value, but the longer I live the more I know the true worth of things, first and foremost is my life with Mom and all of you.

Lastly and quite tragically another reminder that you have to enjoy the present moments without too much worry or security about the future. Our sweet Neighbor Lisa has passed away from cancer. She was on the path to recovery but unfortunately it spread aggressively and took her life. She was always a very quiet reserved person, with a very gentile spirit. Cora she would put out tons of arts and crafts stuff for you and Adam to do, and she would always clean it up without complaint, quietly serving and taking joy in you two playing. Deacon she would also put out a garbage truck for you, even if Adam was not out. You loved tearing up bits of paper and loading it, then dumping it from the truck. Quinn she would get chalk and paint for you and help you wash up. Lisa was one of those quiet unassuming people that you wish filled the world more than they do. I was filled with grief at her passing, for Adam, for John, and for all those who loved her. I know later in life you may not remember her- but when you get older and read these pages I hope you can reflect on the kindness and love she showed you all, and that hopefully we will all see her again.

Cora, well lately you have been mostly interested in Olivia Rodrigo as well as the old standby Taylor Swift. Perhaps it is because you also have your first love interest at school. His name is Hunter, we call him bugger Hunter because when you were in kindergarten together, he used to put buggers in your hair! You don’t like discussing it very much with us, but we are doing our best to let you know your feelings are normal and helping ever so slightly to guide you a bit. As expected, you are dealing with your broken leg very well, showing some good toughness and adaptability. At the same time it is good for you to empathize and deal with some hardship and I believe you are learning from that as well. It was fun again on the ski trip and camping trip to see your bravery and self-confidence. It seems the confidence level has shifted so much in the past few years, which is great to see. A super fun part of you being 11 is your tendency to argue, complain, or disagree before really knowing what you are talking about! Much fun to work with! We will get through it though, typically just takes us sitting you down and having a less emotional driven conversation. Love you so much, my very grown, but still plenty of growing to do big girl. 

Quinn, You are such a bright light in our house. You are always quick to compliment and be kind, you always have sweetness radiating from you. When you sit next to me for very long you will start rubbing my beard, face, hand or arm. There are never enough hugs or kisses goodnight, and almost every night you request and get a piggyback ride to bed. Lately your best little friends have been Etta, Lulu, Pippa at school, and one or two boys who you refuse to leave alone. We tell you you’re too young for boyfriends and you defiantly say “I’m not gonna listen” or something like “I just like them so much”. Needless to say I am a bit scared about the future….. but you sure are a joy in our lives and quick to make us all laugh and love you. We still often call you our crested screamer, ask for 2min of no talking, and or refer to you as a little monster, but we monstrously love you dearly.

Spanish Summer

 In October of 2020 an article about cheap airfare to Europe popped up on my apple news feed. I figured that COVID would certainly be long gone by summer of 2021 and therefore snatched up cheap tickets direct from Phoenix to London. Well, things didn’t go to plan, but we did manage to get you all overseas for your first European adventure.

I figured out about 2 months prior to departure that the UK was not going to open, all the signs were pointing towards it, so I decided to pivot to a country that said it was going to open, Spain. Well the opening in April turned to May, and May to June and June to June 7^th, and I had the joy of re-booking us 4 times. I am kind of surprised I didn’t get an ulcer from the stress of planning this vacation. I had my mind set to this trip, and my heart longing for adventure, and so I went boldly into possible financial folly and aggravation and a host of other bad possibilities. Yet in the end, we triumphed!

We arrived in Spain June 10^th, 3 days after they lifted restrictions on Americans. Until we departed on the 25^th we were some of the only English speakers in the country. Our Itinerary was 4 nights in Madrid (with two day trips to Toledo and Segovia) 2 nights in Cordoba, 2 nights in Sevilla, 3 nights in Estepona, and 3 nights in Granada, with our final night in Madrid near the airport. You three were so excited, especially you Cora- as you had the greatest understanding of what we were about to embark upon. I will say you all travel far better than your mother and I ever did as kids, we bought lounge passes as we had a long layover in Miami. Was pretty fun to see you all enjoying the comforts that brings…. cause it would come to an end on our Iberia Airlines flight. It wasn’t really that bad- but it was packed and since they want to nickel and dime you they split up our seats as I didn’t want to pay for selecting them. Cora and Deacon I sat with you, while mom took Quinn the seatmate kicker along with her. We may have been 5 of the 10 total Americans on the flight.

I don’t think I can recap the whole trip so I wanted to hit some of the highlights. Day one in Madrid was fun just to be with you all on an adventure in a foreign country. We toured the Royal Palace and it went just as I thought it would. Cora you enjoyed all of it, Deacon you perked up when there were weapons around, and Quinn you mostly wanted to find slippery floors, distract your brother, or try and get me to carry you/ find somewhere to sit. Later that day we went to Retiro Park, which was beautiful and expansive. Quinn you were dragging and pretending to be on deaths doorstep, but as a rose garden came into view you found new life and sprinted forward and preceded to run all round it smelling different varietals of roses. The park was this beautiful green oasis in the center of the city with a large lagoon, huge amounts of trees and rolling lawns, and a Crystal Palace that hosts various art displays. We made it to a very fancy dinner that night right before the sky opened up on us and had a wonderful dinner with a man I work with who is based in, and from Madrid.

We did a few day trips from Madrid, one to Segovia and then Toledo. Segovia had a beautiful castle and was surrounded by a small town perched above a river. We had a great time wandering around. Cora you bought a necklace and earrings and Deacon after being inspired by the cannons and swords in the Castle bought a toy crossbow. It was so fun seeing you guys shop and try and find things that would help you remember the places we were going to. Toledo was also a great day, we started by driving to an overlook of the city, which in this case is totally surrounded by a river and was built on the high ground in the middle. It must have been a great defensive position and I believe we read that the city was never captured by force. We walked up and down so many beautiful streets…. Also due to the fact I got us lost when trying to get out of the city and we went in circles a few times in the fun summer sun. Cora and Quinn you found some more jewelry, Deacon I got you a Toledo steel hunting knife that I hope you will keep until you are old enough to hand it down to your son or daughter. Cora we also did a zipline ride that went next to one of the bridges across the river to the other shore. It was an awesome way to see the city and I was so proud you were brave and did it. When we went to turn in our harnesses they let us ride again!

Leaving Madrid was a bit sad, but I was not going to miss parking in the smallest parking garage I ever imagined, I had nightmares about that damn thing. We headed to Cordoba next with some white washed homes and a large cathedral that began its life as a roman temple, then Muslim mosque. It was really beautiful inside and was certainly the highlight of the city. After Cordoba we went to Sevilla. I wanted to mix in some different adventures so I booked us a horseback riding trip outside the city. Deacon you got the tallest horse as usual, Quinn and I rode together. Quinn you spent most of the trip talking about how great of a horseback rider you were, telling me everything you knew about horses, and remarking how much our horse must love you. As usual the horse sensed I feared it, and decided at the end of our ride to simply lie down! I quickly stood up as it did and picked you up while stepping to the side, I wasn’t sure if the damn thing was about to roll over. The main wrangler came out as we were right by the stables and Quinn you actually rode it home as he walked it.

Sevilla was another beautiful city, bigger than Cordoba but still filled with a lot of history. It actually used to be a big port city before the river was diverted, and was home to the Kings and Queens of Spain after the reconquesta when they retook the country from the Moors. The first evening we were in the city we did a paddle boarding trip on the river. Cora you got your own board while mom took Quinn and I took Deacon, you did a pretty good job keeping up with the adults on the tour. That night we ate along the river at 9:30PM like real Spaniards and were actually pretty chilly which was a nice change. The next day I almost made us late for our tour of the Cathedral and Palace by walking to the wrong tour office after finding the wrong location for the start- so the sprint across the city was great fun and the passing Spaniards got to hear some real American curse words!

After Sevilla we headed for one of our favorite stops, Estepona, which is right on a beautiful stretch of beach overlooking the Mediterranean sea with a view of Gibraltar and North Africa in the distance. On the way to Estepona we stopped in Zahara-de-la-Sierra and Rhonda. Our stop in Zahara was so wonderful, it’s a tiny white washed city on a hill overlooking olive groves and lakes. I drove our car through the city- including a square that they closed to traffic about 10min after I drove through it… up to a trail head for our morning adventure. We hiked to a stone watchtower and got some great pictures while the clouds swirled around us. We had the top to ourselves and it was just so peaceful and beautiful, it ended up being a perfect day. We also just barely made it down the hill to wait out a rainstorm in the car before having an amazing lunch in the town. Rhonda was a briefer stop with the highlight being a bridge that was built above a deep gorge to connect the two sides of the town. Beneath it we did a really fun hike through some low fig trees and followed a really chilly creek towards the river and some good overlooks.

Getting to Estepona was just a breath of fresh air, quite literally, as we had a beachfront condo. You guys were all so excited to explore the condo and get down to the beach. We spent a lot of time hunting for big seashells. Some of my favorite memories are walking along the beach in the morning with you Deacon as we hunted and found some great ones. It was quiet as the sun rose with a few locals doing their morning walk. Cora you and I did something similar one afternoon, and all of us were collecting unique rocks and bartering with one another. Quinn you set up quite the little rock store, but as usual were very kind in your pricing for me! One of the evenings mom and I just sat back keeping each other warm as the wind started blowing stronger- watching the 3 of you build and play in the sand together. It was so fun just to watch you enjoying your lives, this place so far from home, and most of all each other. 

We did a day drive to Gibraltar- and so in a way ended up getting to the UK after all. Our dolphin watching excursion was a blast, there must have been 20 of them dancing all through the water around the boat and we had a great spot near the bow to watch them. We took a pretty creepy steep cable car to the “top of the rock”, being up there was beautiful, and the views of Morocco and Spain incredible, but made your mom very nervous about any of you getting too close to the edge. We also did another horseback ride- this one turned out better with no horses laying down. Deacon you still got the tallest horse, and Quinn you got a very spirited Pony named Mattias. He had long flowing hair like yours, and we have a great picture with the wind blowing his hair across his face while yours was doing the same thing. You loved him and spoke about him for the rest of the trip, and these months later still do.

Leaving Estepona was difficult for many reasons, but one of the most beautiful cities in Spain was next, Granada. After mom and I managed a very stressful drive through some medieval roads more suited to those on foot or horseback than in a Volvo SUV we arrived at our condo. The view from its patio was magnificent, there in the distance dominating the town on the highest point around was the Alhambra. Part fortress, palace, and royal residency it belonged to Moorish Kings and sometimes Spanish ones. We spent most of the day there and saw almost all of it. One of our favorite parts was walking the walls and the gardens that surrounded them. At one point we accidently walked down a very steep path… only to realize it did not lead where we thought and so had to climb back up again. Quinn you might not have made it but I distracted you with a giant fig leaf which you then watered for the rest of the trip in hopes it would live.

I think the last big highlight of the trip was a Flamenco dance we attended just up the hill from our house in Granada. We had a nice dinner prior and then went in for the performance. Honestly my expectations were kind of low, but the show was a lot of fun, and riveted all our attention for the entire time. It was just great seeing the artistry and passion of the dancers and musicians. Quinn you obviously could not leave Spain without a Flamenco dress, and the night after Cora did your hair up with flowers and you performed a dance for us- that you completely made up on your own, you have quite a bit of confidence when it comes to singing and dancing.

We spent one more uneventful night in Madrid near the airport, happy to be heading home but nonetheless a bit sad that our great adventure was drawing to a close. For a trip that was so stressful to plan and pull off it sure did turn out perfectly. We got to enter the country, have it mostly tourist free and to ourselves, and we all stayed healthy. Most importantly we all bonded over a shared adventure which was full of discovery and beauty. Travel is really one of my favorite things, and it was so fun to share such a big trip with you, you guys are so lucky to have had such an experience so young. Mom and I are so lucky to have you to adventure with as well.

I look forward to a future full of watching you all grow and experience this world and all it holds in different ways. During COVID there was continual talk of putting things on “pause”, “on hold”, and a lot of other phrases to say we should wait to live our lives. Thing about time is, it doesn’t wait, it only knows progress, not retreat and its march forward can be brutal as often as it is beautiful. Had we paused we would have missed something that will enrich the rest of our lives. I would not have watched the moon rise and track the sky above the Alhambra, the sun rise over the Mediterranean from our balcony in Estepona, my children in awe of things built a thousand years ago, and watching the first hand experience of growing bolder as we step out from the familiar. 

First Family Ski Trip

Ok well in the interest of playing catchup I wanted to write about our first family ski trip. COVID has the whole world feeling cooped up, and especially me as someone who gets antsy staying in one place too long. With that I decided you were all old enough to try hitting the slopes. I was looking at Telluride but their restrictions were a bit harsh, so we decided on Purgatory ski resort- just north of Durango CO. The weeks prior we spent getting together gear, and adult sized helmets for your heads- Deacon and Quinn!, we rented a little condo which was perfect for our family.

Ok so here’s the deal- day one, and especially hours 1-3 were rough, kind of hellish really. Your mother and I were basically porters for all the heavy gear, and it took some adjusting to get you all dressed and walking in ski boots. Also the ski boots I last used 9 years ago had degraded to the point where the inside cushioning was like glue- which meant by the time I got them on I was burning up under all my layers, and from all my cursing.  Ski school wasn’t open on our first day- so we headed to the bunny slope with some instructions from your dear old dad. Quinn you were in moms care, and Cora and Deacon you were with me.

The bunny hill tapered quickly to a narrow tunnel under a bridge- very poor design, and after had a bit of an abrupt point where you had to go left or right- as going straight would lead over a very sharp and rocky drop off. Deacon and Quinn, I had gotten ski harnesses that went around your chests and over your shoulders with leashes so we could control your speed going down the mountain- or such was the intent. Well off we went. Cora you quickly found your comfort level in a style that involved leaning back until your bottom was resting on the back of your skis, and then dragging your hands to slow down. Deacon the leashes mostly just knocked you down, your skis came off, and due to the snow on your bindings were not going on easily. Quinn I lost you and mom behind us as you were making almost no progress.

Deacon and Cora, we stopped on the far side of the bridge to gather ourselves emotionally and prepare for the final downhill. I decided to quickly ski down, take the lift back up, and get mom and Quinn who were still out of sight while you two stayed and rested. The plan worked, I found mom struggling on the hill and helped bring Quinn down, then I came back and helped you down Deacon, Cora- you deployed your butt slide technique until we reached the bottom. Thus our first, and worst, run was behind us. After our very fun experience we resorted to walking a small way up hill and letting you two get the feel for coming down, working on your wedge and getting a feel for being on skis. I did some runs on my own up the mountain and later we got your courage up to do the bunny hill a few more times.

Day two was markedly better, classes in the morning helped, as well as the opening of another lift with a much better beginner hill. Deacon and Cora you both were gaining confidence and doing well getting to the bottom of the hill by yourself- with just a few falls each time. Quinn, while the older two were in lessons Mom and I took you up the main lift and did a nice long run with you. I actually found it best to keep you between my skis and occasionally lift you up as we went down the slopes. It was pretty tiring, but we had a lot of fun and the scenery was beautiful. You had told us you didn’t want to go on the big lift, but as usual you courage was up to the task.

That night we took you into Durango and rode the “Polar Express” it was a real steam train and you all got a kick out of it, Deacon and Quinn you were fairly convinced we were actually going to Santas workshop. We found a restraint to eat at- which we could not do inside- but could in their tent along with other diners- which made about as much sense as most of the other Covid restrictions did…. In any case as we drove back up the hill the snow had started to fall, I spend the last 6 miles of the drive happily behind a snow plow- as it was pitch dark and I hate driving on snow.

Day three was perfect. Lessons again in the morning so Cora you really got to work on your speed control and turns, Deacon you continued to gain confidence and started getting some small turns down as well. The good news was with that we all went up the big hill together! Deacon I kept you on the leashes, but you did most of the work and really did well on your turns. Cora you were on your own and didn’t fall at all on the way down. You were turning really well, controlling your speed- and even one time a slightly out of control snow boarder was behind you and put his hand on you, he fell but you didn’t. Quinn you and mom just glided down the hill, you with a big smile on your face and your long hair streaming behind you.

The mountains were so beautiful, and watching you all grow and conquer something new was beautiful as well. I loved seeing how your confidence grew with each day, how the accomplishment emboldened you to try even harder, and push yourself to take on more. You all fought some like usual, but you were also there for each other when needed, to carry some burden or offer encouragement and care after the falls. The last time I had been skiing was with mom in Telluride, Cora you were just a 1 year old so we left you with Mimi and Papa. Its strange how time can go by so quickly, that for 9 years we had not been on the mountain together, but it didn’t feel like we had been absent that long at all. I hope these trips can become an annual tradition, and that someday Mom and I can help watch your kids when you go to hit the slopes with your families.

 

Cora, you continue to become such a big girl, at only 10 you seem so confident and mature. It is great knowing I can count on you to help out with tasks, providing another set of hands for mom and I. Now that doesn’t mean you are always patient with your brother and sister…. But such is life as a sibling. When it matters you are there for Deacon and Quinn, and for Mom and I. It was fun watching you go down the ski hills again and again by yourself, working on different aspects each time and getting better. You also made friends two of the days and were skiing down with some other girls. I am very proud of the woman you are becoming.

 

Quinn, I think mom calls you a “fairly child” you rarely stop speaking, with your bright blue eyes, exuberance, and long flowing hair I guess she is right. Your disposition is 95% happy and cuddly, always giving mom and I the biggest hugs, telling us we are the best mommy and daddy, and just generally being sweet and kind. Lately you have been getting a kick out of making us laugh as well, it used to embarrass you, but now you enjoy the attention. Speaking of enjoying attention you have lately been singing a song you adapted from Frozen, with your own words to us- you have us all watch while you perform- its really cute. You were not so much a skier as a passenger on this trip, but I am sure that will change with each passing year.

Catching up on Covid Summer

 

Well, I guess it speaks to the world that was in 2020 that I had yet to write to you three about anything. That speaks to my distraction, but also I guess failure to stay on top of all the tasks and use my time diligently. This year has also proved something that most would want to forget.

It will go down in the history books, 2020, the year of COVID. Not since the 1918 Spanish Flu has something gripped so completely the entire world. This virus originated in China, and due to their lack of communication and secrecy that so defines authoritarian governments the virus spread around the globe in earnest beginning in March. I actually traveled to Asia in February, the virus was well known by then but it is not very deadly unless you have what are called co-morbidities, in this case age, weight, and heart issues seemed to be 3 big ones, the vast majority of deaths in those 70 years and older. It was strange to visit places normally packed with crowds and find them mostly empty. Hong Kong airport was a ghost town, I had the Cathay Pacific lounge virtually to myself. I had a drink with an employee at the top of the Marina Bay Sands (kind of famous building) it was great to have such a small crowd.

In any case shortly after my return the world began locking down, including you two finishing your school year from home. It was great at first, the weather was nice, the days were short, though we missed the quality of instruction and learning you received from in person learning. As I was employed in Aerospace, I was very worried about losing my job. My company did two massive layoffs, very secretly for that matter. In the first I found out on a Friday that my boss, an extremely gifted VP had been let go, I always saw her as a future President at the company. I also learned that I would have to fire all of my direct reports.

Saying goodbye to my team was the worst professional day of my career. I dreaded it all weekend, I felt awful knowing what was to come, and that they did not. They were all great employees, diligent and skilled at their work, none of them was in any was deserving of what was coming. Costs have to be cut, but I would have preferred a kinder way, and better benefits than 1 week paid for every year of service. I cried after my first call, the knowledge I could not protect them, and now they had to worry about providing for their families, weighed really heavily on me. I keep in touch with all of them, and immediately offered to help in any way I could.

Seeing how my company was treating their employees, and having already seen the trend of cutting cost and not investing in products or people solidified my decision to find alternative employment- Ill write about that another time, but thankfully God blessed us with a great opportunity.

Summer vacations- well that was complicated this year. Quinn we wanted to take you to LEGOLAND but California shut down everything they could- as of November its still not open… Thank God for Las Vegas…. Never thought id say that! We did a quick 2 night trip to Circus Circus and had a blast. The first day we hit the pool- main reason for staying there, and rode all the water slides and had a ton of fun. That night we explored some of the hotels and had some great pizza. You guys all loved the fountains at Bellagio, we watched them twice. The next day was the Adventuredome! Its this giant pink dome that has a ton of rollercoasters, rides and attractions inside. You guys were all really brave, Deacon I think you were particularly brave on the rollercoasters- you did canyon blaster like 4 times. Cora you loved one that almost made us sick at first, called the inverter. We thought it was just going to spin around, then the whole seats we were strapped into started spinning, you and Deacon were scared at first but then liked it. Actually, I don’t think Deacon rode it again but you did it about 6 times. Quinn you loved the bumper cars, airplane ride, and carousel. Deacon you also really liked laser tag, it brought back memories for me because my mom had taken me there when I was a kid. I remember how excited I was, you were the same way!

Next up was Lake Tahoe. We made the journey again, to a different better house this time. It was great as always, beautiful weather, bike rides, hot tub at night and in the morning, and some fun hikes. We rented a boat and hung out with the Barretts while we were there, in fact they bought a house this year so that was pretty amazing. The hike to Emerald Bay that you all struggled with last year you did awesome on this year, those legs are getting stronger, as is your belief in your abilities. Quinn I didn’t have to carry you up very much of it at all this time. This year we also rented a little condo in a place called Kirkwood. It is a ski resort in the winter, those slopes looked steep! But in the summer it’s a great place for hiking and to use as basecamp. Cora I don’t know if you will remember but you and I swam out to this cool rock in the middle of a lake and got to the top- it was tricky, we stood up there and celebrated and then jumped off, into some freezing but beautiful clear water. One evening we all went for a walk on the ski slopes, it was magical. The ski runs become meadows in the summer, filled with flowers with little streams flowing everywhere from the melting snow on the mountain. All kinds of beautiful trees line the meadows and it was like we were in heaven. We took a bunch of pictures and Cora you kept remarking on how beautiful it was and how you didn’t want to go home, I was so happy you could enjoy it like mom and I did.

All in all the summer went by quickly…. So quickly I am writing this in January of 2021…. So I have another entry to make, there were birthdays and a ski trip to still write about, next time- but before 2022!

Cora- this summer it was so nice seeing how grown up and confident you have become. You take on new challenges and situations so well, and love to travel. It is such a change from the shy reserved little girl you were. You have also been enjoying volleyball and really improved your serves and play on the court. You are as fine a student in lockdown as you were when school was in person, always organized, on time, and getting good grades, you even helped me out with Deacons schedule. You make life easy on us parents, and do a good job all the time of reminding me that I am “and old man”.

Quinn, you give the best hugs! You are always telling me what a good daddy I am and laughing and playing with your sister and brother, but especially your brother. You guys make up all kinds of games, and though you don’t quite get it- you try and play Pokemon with him. You always say your favorite card is one that sounds like Suck A Lego, but its some other name. You just started dance classes and Mimi has been taking you to ride horses a lot, you always tell me how you ride them alone, “like a big girl”. You are so kind and smart and generous with your affections, you also can naturally manipulate people into getting what you want- less effective on mom and I, but it doesn’t mean you don’t try. You turned 4 on our trip to Tahoe, which you were very excited about. Our baby of the family is growing quickly, its fun- but makes us all feel older at the same time.

 

Outside Looking In

Well, Christmas has passed, it was wonderful as ever. One of my favorite things about Christmas is decorating the house, for me that means exterior lighting. Every year I am a mix of satisfied and dissatisfied at my efforts, and most years involve trips to Home Depot for 50% off lights after the holiday has passed, this year was no exception. I have big aspirations for next year!

Inevitably, I wander out during the darkness of night, to admire the illumination cast upon our house. I remember doing it at every house we have ever had except for the one in Georgia, because we were in Phoenix for Christmas that year. I stand there and take in the view for a while silently, alone, reflecting not on the work it took to do, but on how lovely it looks, and how warm it is inside the home I gaze upon, how grateful I am for its walls and what they contain. You pass so many homes that look lovely and inviting from the outside, and you wonder who lives there, if their lives are a reflection of the house they live in. Often homes, like humans, project one thing but hide another. Our walls, be them brick or proverbial hide the secrets of what lies behind.

I will tell you behind our walls there was warmth and love. There was at times anger and sorrow and things all families and people deal with, but I love our home not because of how it looks, but how it feels to be inside of it, with all my family, living a life that is so good I couldn’t have imagined it when I was younger. We are blessed by the Lord to have such a home and your mother and I are blessed to have you. Now, we might have had the Lords blessing, but never forget how hard your mother and I worked for it as well. We worked on our love, and we worked to provide, and it has been worth every effort.

I made terrible mistakes for two of you this year and got you bikes and Razor dirtbike/ vespas for your birthday- which left me completely out of Christmas ideas. I have to be careful not to spoil you as it is my natural inclination. I really want to get you everything you want, but that doesn’t make for the best outcome in adults most of the time… Quinn you ended up with all things Frozen related, dresses, dolls, and candy. Deacon we got you a Red Ryder BB gun, and some Bakugan figurines you like. Cora you got a makeup kit, and some other art and science projects. You three were excited as ever, and Christmas is always so much fun, time with the Grandparents, and time with one another. I really enjoy the pause at the end of the year to catch my breath before the intensity of January with work.

For New Year’s we once again went up to the Bishops cabin in Forest Lakes outside Payson. This year the Coberly family went with us, Cora you enjoyed having Hanna and Wes to play with as they are closer to your age. Deacon, you, Quinn and Cash spent most of your time together, and a lot of it was eating icicles you continually had me fetching from the roof. We also got to do some more serious sledding this year, and had two feet of snow to do it in. Cora you were super brave and took on some hills I was impressed by. Deacon and Quinn, you guys had a much better time as mom got you set up with the right gear to keep you dry and warm. It is a huge blessing to be able to spend time with great friends in beautiful places. Mom made a standing rib roast one night, and we all lit of fireworks in the snow on new year’s eve, the dads smoked some cigars I brought and it was just a great 3 days. Friends are such a blessing in life, and enrich it so much. I hope each of you are as blessed as we have been in our friends.

Cora, I think one of your friends got or had a rabbit, in any case you said you wanted one, more like needed one. My challenge to you was “ok, but you pay for it”, and you did a great job of saving your money and brought home Marshmallow in early December. She is a very sweet and fuzzy soft rabbit. She is also a little beggar and would most likely be 60lbs if we let her! Hungriest bunny I have ever seen. You have been very responsible with her so far, though you did protest quite a bit when it came to cage cleaning that prior to getting her you assured me would be no issue. I drove darn near to Tucson to get an outdoor cage at a good price for her, and we found a great indoor cage, and the rabbit is getting lots of love from everyone, though you take great issue with Quinn repeatedly calling her a “little stinker”. Cora you are fiercely independent. You tend to go your own way regardless of what others are doing, and you are not constantly seeking validation. You have a good sense of confidence- which at your age can be troublesome- but overall, I am impressed with how well you carry yourself. You also have shown zero interest in boys for now, which I am in no way upset about. You love your guitar lessons, and playing volleyball and tennis. You have a great group of friends at church and school and I really feel you are growing into a lovely young lady. Lastly, you continue to do so well in school you require very little assistance, except occasionally in math, which was also always a struggle for me. Love you tons. 

Quinn, I feel at the tender age of three you are already a master manipulator. You have a way of looking at people with your big blue eyes and getting them to do your bidding. You have so many ways of holding your head and showing approval/ disapproval its really funny. When you get your way you tend to give me giant hugs and proclaim “you’re the best daddy, you’re a good daddy, or thank you daddy boy”, when you don’t get your way you mostly scream and run to your room to pout until you figure out we don’t care and then you come out like nothing happened. You adore Deacon and love to play with him, you have a love hate relationship with Lulu across the street- you two play so well and then fight so hard its pretty funny to watch two third born’s battle it out. Your favorite things right now are, Frozen, Sophia the First, and Unicorns. You eat voraciously at every meal, which is a godsend seeing as how I still battle with Deacon nightly to eat his food. You are our sweet and very spunky girl, very sharp and observant, and so funny with the things you come up with. You are our Quinnsters, and we love you deeply. Last note- you got a bad fever this week, and someday you will know how sad and scary it is to watch your kids suffer through illness. I got up at 3:30 to give you some meds when Cora said you were getting really fussy. I just sat with you by your bedside, you grabbed my arm and held it to your face and said in a quiet voice “thank you daddy”. I sat there for the next 40 min watching you breathe and taking your temperature as you slept, praying for you and wishing there was more I could do. Mom had checked on you and assured me you were fine- so nice having a nurse in the house who has seen it all with kids. I just included this note because its one of the small things you don’t remember when you get old, but I sure do love you, and sure do hate it when you suffer.