I just finished watching a documentary film about Auschwitz. It told the story of how the place was conceived, developed, run and finally ended. One thing kept hurting my heart more than any other, the pictures of the children getting off the trains, every single one of them no more than an hour from their untimely death at the hands of murderers committing genocide.
            Someday when you are young you will most likely think that this world is a mostly good place. Someday when you begin to read the history of the people who have come before you your opinion may change. Your father is a student of history, though I am an amateur my readings often find me learning of suffering in every place people have ever trod or called home. The more I read, the more I long for heaven, the more hope I place in salvation from this fallen world.
           Someday you will read about Auschwitz. You will learn about who Hitler was and what he believed, the hatred that caused the death and suffering of millions of people in every corner of the globe. You will look at the pictures and think, it was long ago, and the sting may not even strike your heart. You will be appalled, and then you will go on with your life without too much thought on the matter.
           I looked at the pictures in the film, black and white, fuzzy and unfocused. Then I paused it and looked at the faces, looked at the expressions, the mothers holding their children’s hands, the children not fully understanding what was happening, but the look of fear in their eyes. It happened, to people just like you and I; people with hopes and dreams and love, people who felt terror and pain as real as you and I feel it. Yet they are but pictures, so often lost to time. We do not enter into their lives, we entertain their sufferings for but a moment, to condemn their tormentors and reassure ourselves that the evil in their hearts does not exist in our own.
          According to the film every single one of the children brought to any of the extermination camps was killed within a short time of their arrival, often with their mothers and the old and sick. They could not work, so they did not live. My mind cannot fully enter into the reality they faced. A knock on the door, your mother and I pushed into a rail car with you in our arms, a long journey to an uncertain fate, and the last time we would ever be together. To watch you torn from me, to learn later from the other prisoners of the fate you had been subjected to, crowded into a room with screaming terrified people as gas filled the air and choked the life from you. It is horrible to ponder such things, but it is far worse to forget that they occurred, and that such evil still is at work in the world today, often as a result of the fact we do not like to be bothered with such issues.
         I like to imagine that Jesus was there in the final moments, that perhaps those children were taken by him before they felt death grip their innocent bodies. I know one thing is certain, each of them was greeted by him, and the pain they felt for an instant was replaced by an eternity of joy and peace.
         You cannot escape evil, it cannot be outrun. One can only face it, and the only One who could overcome it did. Because of that our suffering knows an end, our trials are not ceaseless and our struggle is someday rewarded.
         I have been traveling all this week; my only joy is to look at pictures of you sent by your mom or grandma. I love your little chubby cheeks and the sweet look of perfect joy on your face. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow and give you a hundred kisses, not an over-exaggeration; your cheeks are like magnets to my lips. I feel so blessed by God to have lived even the life I have, and to have been blessed with you as a part of it.

I love you Cora.

                     I flew out of town this week for the first time since you were born. It used to be a common thing that I didn’t think much of, now however, it is a little harder to be away from home. I am in Boise Idaho- it is a really beautiful city set against the mountains and if your mother didn’t hate the cold so much I would be tempted to search for employment here!
                     You have been changing so much lately. You smile and make more noises, you seem to understand more of what is happening and you certainly make a lot more eye contact. I feel an almost forgotten longing in my heart when I said goodbye to you. It has been so long since I missed anyone so much, but kissing you goodbye at the airport was so tough on your dad, especially after we had been cuddling all morning long.
                      Often when I travel I take a little time that I wouldn’t have at home to wander off to some new area and relax and let my mind wander. Today I found a spot by the river that runs through Boise. I just sat and watched the current, the way the water moved over the rocks and the small pieces of ice that were drifting by. Other than staring at a campfire I don’t know of too many more things that are more relaxing.
                      When I slow down enough to let my thoughts catch up to me I realize that I am now a father- it may sound funny but sometimes the gravity of my new role escapes me and I lose focus on being a great man that you can look up to. I think back just 8 weeks ago to when you were born, to how I felt then and how I feel now. I think about your little face and sweet eyes and how good you smell. I laugh at the funny faces and noises you make and how someday all of this will seem so distant and clouded.
                     I am so happy for each moment with you. We have entered a new year, 2011. Standing at the dawn of a thing it is difficult to imagine what will come to pass before you see the next night. I think of you walking and talking and revealing your spirit more and more. I am excited, and a little sad to watch you grow up. Your mother and I have been blessed every year of our lives. None more so than last year when we welcomed you and now you will be our blessing for all of time. I love you Cora, I am thinking and dreaming and praying for you.
Goodnight sweetheart. Your Daddy loves you so much.