Well 2018 is off to a decent start. As I write this the first three
months have already passed, they held a fair amount of change. For one my role
at work changed, I went from a Sales Director to Business Director, which seems
for the time being to be half of what I used to do as a Product Line Manager,
but for a business about 3 times the size and twice the complexity, so that balances
it out. I do not yet enjoy the role as much as my last, and am finding it
strange not to travel after doing so regularly for the past 11 years of work. I
love being out and about and having a change of scenery, I am fortunate that my
career has provided that in spades. However, I remain optimistic about what I
will learn and how this role will prepare me for the next, and how I can make a
positive impact.
Change is tough when it’s not to one’s liking. I interact sometimes with
people who have rarely changed roles, or habits for that matter for decades. I
suppose that a lifestyle of that sort comes with a great deal of comfort and
regularity, up to the point when something you didn’t anticipate comes along
and then it would really throw you for a loop…. But I digress.
This past year was my most lucrative financially. It is a strange thing
to make more money than you had ever envisioned. I remember when I was first
starting out and my friend Nathan and I were talking, we said if we could just
make $80,000 a year our lives would be perfect. I made multiples of that this
year, and yet as you may someday find depending on the path you take, it
effected a negligible amount of change to my joy. Now materially speaking there
were improvements, new pool, bathroom, vacations paid for, investments made-
but my joy, that did not change. Money didn’t make me love you more, or you me.
Money didn’t perfect my marriage, or improve my relationships with my friends.
I didn’t let money separate me from God, but if I am being honest the pursuit
of one diminished from the pursuit of the other.
While preparing our taxes recently my CPA told me most people in our
income range donate 2-3% of their income, we had donated 12%. I don’t say that
to brag, but to let you know my success did not come solely from blind luck, or
hard work. The very company I work at now came about because your Papa sat in
the stands at Uncle Taylors swim meets near someone who worked at Honeywell.
When I was looking for a new role that someone was willing to pass my resume to
the hiring manager, a resume that would have gotten lost in the “unqualified”
pile due to me not having Aerospace experience. God opened the doors at the
right time. I see it clearly, the blessings he has given us are not to be
hoarded, they are to be shared, he blessed me for a reason, and it wasn’t so I
could have a new pool. Having or not having money is not what matters, what
matters is if you are responsible with what you are given, and if you are
serving something greater than yourself. If you are not, joy and peace will be
out of your reach no matter the income you achieve. You may be happy, and have
nice things, but you cannot buy yourself a better life- not in the way that
matters.
I am most likely repeating myself here but lately I don’t feel like I am
working for myself. Most of what I do is with a long term in mind, and that
long term revolves around the 3 of you and your mother. After my heart issue I
increased my life insurance and as each month passed thought “ok, more debt
paid down, more saved, the kids will be ok if I die”. My outlook month to month
was the longer I lived the more secure your future would be. I am less
fatalistic these days but my goals remain the same, provide a better life for
you and even for your children, leave a legacy for my family. Now I just said
that money doesn’t purchase what really matters, but for me I look to it to
purchase freedom. If I can do enough maybe your freedom, to travel and enrich
your lives, to buy a vacation home where you can bring your families someday to
visit mom and I.
The things that make me “happy” have changed so much as I got older. When
I was younger it was more focused around those things- my jeep, video games,
large purchases- guns, fancy clothes, outdoor equipment. Now I am happiest when
I watch all of you enjoying life, when we have play time together, when I see
you take joy in moments and learn. I also find happiness in my solitude at
times, one of my greatest enjoyments is a glass of bourbon and a decent cigar,
on a cold night by a fire, listening to some good music. I have always been a
lonesome soul. At times I transport myself back to times and places when I was
at peace, sitting next to haggler creek near Payson, looking across golden
grass blowing in the wind at sunset while quail hunting, most of the memories I
am in the wild, alone, I don’t know why- but that is where I go.
This past week my friend Cameron and I went four wheeling to a place
called Coffee Pot, it is east of Rye, south of Payson. The rancher I spoke to told
me the trail was rough but we would be ok in a jeep, turned out we needed a
very modified Jeep, which luckily Cameron had. The road back was only 8 miles
but it took all of 2 hours to drive it, large drops and ledges, loose rocks and
overgrown brush made it pretty difficult. I took some pictures once we got to
the campsite- they don’t do the place justice but I will include them. You
cross through two canyons and move from desert landscape at about 4 thousand
feet to Alligator Juniper trees and grassland at 6,200 feet. At Coffee Pot
there is a bunkhouse where the cowboys still sleep when working cattle in the
backcountry and most likely finding strays. There was a wood burning stove and
simple setup, it must be lonely but it was beautiful. We camped in a mountain
meadow, undisturbed by anything but the breeze and stars. It was fantastic to
have an adventure and spend some time with a good friend in the place I long to
be- the wild. We have a lot coming up this summer so I am sure I will be
writing more.
Music lately- Josh Garrels- Further Along, Avett Brothers- The Perfect
Space, Murder in the City (and a lot of their other songs), Jake Owen-Anywhere
With You, Lord Huron- Hurricane and Ends of the Earth.
