Do you know
what is a poor combination? 5 hour flights and 18 month old children! We took
you on a trip to the east coast, to see your moms cousin get married. It is so
much fun to have you with us, but, as you will someday understand, a great deal
less relaxing!
Its too bad you wont remember it
but, we saw where the constitution was signed, the liberty bell, a couple of
the Smithsonian museums, the holocaust museum- which thank the Lord you slept
through, the Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Vietnam, WWII, Korean, MLK and FDR
monuments and the battle field where the civil war started. It was a busy week
and we made the most of our time. All in all you did well, and it was fun to
cuddle in the same bed again like we used to do when you were a little baby.
You seem to change so much each
week, now you try to repeat almost everything you hear, which means your father
has to watch his tongue! Your putting together three word phrases and your
facial expressions are multiplying. Each day I see my little baby girl grow up
a little more, I don’t wish I could stop it, I am just glad that I get to take
it all in and spend this time with you.
It made me think walking around
all those monuments last week. I was fascinated how hard we work, and how much
we struggle to be remembered for something. It is not only the people who are
passed away who wanted to be remembered, we look at those monuments and we think
it gives us a piece of them to hold onto. It doesn’t matter if it is a national
tourist attraction or a simple headstone in a lonely cemetery. While we are
living we struggle to matter, and to be noticed and appreciated. After the
living are gone we erect monuments so that we can hold onto them a bit longer,
and pretend that their lives had a significance that will last.
I struggle with the same things,
wanting to achieve ever more in life, more money, nicer things, more skills and
accolades. Yet I know when I die that nothing will make my death
distinguishable from any other, nothing will make it easier. I doubt my last
thought will be thank God I lived in that nice house, or worked so hard for so
many years to buy all that stuff and have all those people be impressed by me.
I would think about you, your mother, and if I lived a good life that God would
be proud of.
People don’t dwell on mortality
as they used to, death is not a subject often discussed in detail or great
length, because it is troubling when you are enjoying life to think about it
ending. As I grow older and older I feel as though I have lived well, but I
want to do better. Be a better husband, father, man of God, friend, brother,
son. I want to live a life I can be at peace about, no matter who is watching.
There will be no monument to me when I go. My name will not be etched in stone,
or even in the pages of history, but none of that troubles me. For those things
too shall pass, I would rather be forgotten by the world and remembered by God.
I hope as you grow and
experience life you will make wise decisions, and follow a path that will make
me proud. Even if you stray from that path I will always have faith and trust
that you will return. I don’t daydream about you accomplishing great things, or
being famous. I daydream about you living a full life, with love, peace,
passion, fulfillment, joy, laughter, and purpose. I will always be proud of
you; you will always be my joy.
