I think part
of being a good parent is admitting when you are not, and learning from it. Let
me tell you, lately, you have been making me work very hard at being a better
parent. Not only are you my beautiful little girl, you are also very smart; in
the same way a velocaraptor is smart while trying to figure out how to eat you
(reference to movie Jurassic Park, which will most likely look like it was hand
sketched by 3 year olds by the time you are an adult).
Almost every dinner is a battle,
unless you are eating the following: hot dogs, pizza, mac and cheese, or
grilled cheese. Dinner typically goes like this, you push your food around and
generally play with it, around the time I am finishing mine I begin to
encourage you to eat yours. You ever so politely decline my invitation, I more
strongly request that you try your food, to which you reply “how many bites”?
Your mother and I had devised a bite limit strategy to get you to eat, the goal
being if you knew what you had to accomplish it would be less daunting than
endless food.
The next stop on our nightly
parade of misery is the negotiation. You begin to ask about what kind of
“special” you will get in return for your efforts. This is also something you
learned from another failed strategy of mine in the Great Dinner Wars. I would
place a reward in front of you- so you could see the light at the end of the
food tunnel. In the end it proved more distracting than encouraging. You
typically start throwing out numbers of bites, your math is not so keen at this
point and so often you will gladly up the ante, I will request 5 bites, and you
will say, “how about 8” ok deal!
We have tried starving you as
well, but like a grizzly bear preparing for the winter your fasting skills are
well honed. You went a full 36 hours without eating, and without many of your
creature comforts including: tv, ipad, your fuzzy blanket, your nig nights, and
freedom to leave your room. In the end you brought your mother to tears with
your refusal and we spanked you until you ate. Upon eating the soup which you
had refused for 36 hours you said “oh that’s tasty” as though nothing had
happened and as though you had not just received 3 spankings to force you into
taking a bite.
As a parent you have to decide
who will dictate the family life. It can either be your children, or it can be
you. As the more senior of the parties involved we decided it best we take the
reins. The decision to not let you behave, eat, speak, and dress as you please
is a tough one. It would be far simpler to just say “ok, whatever you want when
you want it”. No more dealing with tears, temper tantrums, or lost youth (my
youth). However, how well can that possibly prepare you for the world you will
someday enter? This world says no more often than yes, and it’s often the
highway and not your way. Learning that you must live in the world and that the
world will not bend to you is crucial, and surprisingly something many miss
(you will meet more than you can imagine).
What am I learning through this
you may ask? Well, patience for one, and to say I am sorry. It has been nagging
at me all day that last night I lost my temper with you. You were kind of
hysterical and instead of being patient and loving I used a mean voice and
acted in a way I would have been embarrassed to if a stranger saw me. There are
plenty of times when as a parent you have to be firm and forceful and even
follow up with physical punishment (spankings). More often than not though you
just need me to hear you, hug you, let you know that I love you no matter what
and wait with you until you calm down.
Yesterday we were playing in the
park, I was “prince daddy” and you were “princess Cora”. We ran all around
being chased by a dragon, I would save you at every turn. Later we had an
adventure though the woods and you kept repeating to me what I say to you every
night “don’t worry, don’t be scared, there is no such thing as monsters”.
Finally we went for a bike ride, right now I walk beside you as you learn and
peddle away. When you say “I am going too fast” I will reach down and slow your
bike. You look up and me and say “you’re the best daddy ever, you save me every
time”. You save me every time. I would have those words ring true throughout
your life, I would give anything to make it so, but it wont happen. There will
be hurt and grief, things beyond my control. One thing I can control is myself,
and I don’t ever want to be the reason you hurt.
Your mother began the work I
think you and your siblings will finish, making me a better man. Each step in life
has so many challenges, so many things to learn if you are willing. I love you
so much, and I feel so bad when I am less of a father than you need me to be. I
am learning, and paying attention though, and I will keep working. I love how
much you love to dance, and desire my time and attention. I love that you make
up songs to sing like me, and that you hear and eventually repeat nearly
everything I say as though it was your own though. I don’t love it at 11:30,
12:30 and then 1:30 when you come and wake me up because you are scared of
monsters. But I love it at 5:30 when I finally let you cuddle with me, mom and
Deacon in bed. I love how great of a big sister you are, and how God has
blessed me with the perfect daughter.
