I attended a
funeral recently for your aunt’s husband. His name was Dan and he lived quite a
full life. He had been a star high school quarterback, polo champion, expert
horse judge, and seems to have single handedly made soccer in Arizona into a
well-run, organized, and properly officiated sport. In addition he found
success in his main career as a stockbroker.
I was not aware of all of these
accomplishments, but his son who gave the eulogy made sure to highlight them
all. It was a fine life, a fine eulogy; however, it left me wanting more. I had
no insight into how this son knew his father, what he had learned or how one
life had shaped the other. I doubt anyone can attend a funeral without
dwelling, even if just for a moment, on their own mortality.
So of course I began to wonder
what you would say, what your brother to be would say, what mom would remember
of me. Hopefully there is plenty of time to continue shaping that story! I
guess my hope is this, that it would not be a list of accomplishments of mine
that you list, but of yours and your brothers.
The longer I am a father the
more certain I am that my role is to enrich and guide your life, the love and
satisfaction I receive from my role is just a bonus. I do not want to be
elevated by you for what I accomplish, but to allow you, through my life and
leadership, to accomplish the desires of your heart, and to end up as a well
rounded, well centered young woman. I do not know how successful I will be, and
as you are my first child you have fallen into the “trial run” spot.
None of us outlives eternity;
the life we build even if we live for 200 years is brief in comparison to what
has come before and what will be after we are gone. None of the people you read
about in the history books rest any better due to their names being written on
those pages, or etched in stone on some monument. There is an unbending
finality to time on this earth. Life is what goes on, life in your children,
and life in your spirit. You don’t have to be a star athlete, rich, beautiful
or possess any special gift to enrich life, be it your own or a strangers.
Someday my eulogy will come. Of
this I am certain. If soon, I know I have lived longer than plenty, if long
from now, I will have had the joy of watching you grow. By these pages you will
know me, my heart and my unbound love for you. My wisdom may be found wanting,
my knowledge fall short of the mark, and my strength fail with age, but my love
for you will be full, and perfect, and pure. There is no measure of life I would
not give for you, no wrong I could not forgive, no space between your heart and
mine. You are of me, my very best, you carry my spirit and the God who watches
over me is the same that watches over you. Simply, I love you, as truly as
those words could ever be spoken or written.
