Monday, December 7, 2015

Borderless Life

                Your father has traveled halfway across the globe this week to the city of Hong Kong. Hong Kong is a major city, and quite diverse in certain areas. However, in other areas someone who looks like me stands out quite a bit. There is something slightly unsettling to feeling like a stranger in a strange land.
                Most people seek out to surround themselves with others who look, speak, dress, and behave like they do.  You will find that there is a great deal of comfort in familiar places you return to time and time again, as they say, there is no place like home.
                Currently in the world there are events transpiring that have displaced millions of people in the Middle East. There is a Muslim group, ISIS, in Syria and Iraq that has for the past two years been slaughtering those who do not believe as they do, other Muslims included, and committing all kinds of horrendous crimes and acts of brutality. Their spread has gone mostly unchecked by western nations who are weary of foreign wars, where there are few distinct allies to be found. We have been of little assistance to the people being persecuted on the ground.
                Most of the refugees have been fleeing to Europe. Germany, Italy, Spain, Greece, Hungary, and many other countries have become destinations. Hundreds of thousands of people so desperate to live, to save their loved ones, they pack up what they can of their lives and make a treacherous journey with no certain future awaiting them. I cannot imagine the courage, and desperation that takes. I hope I never feel the true sting of that in my life and you in yours. A few weeks ago there was a picture of a lifeless boy, lying facedown in the surf. He was four years old and drowned like so many others when the boat he and his family were on capsized in the crossing. His family shared pictures of him, before, full of life. I like so many others saw you both in his pictures. His sweet spirit and that innocence of new life, the type of innocence as a father I seek to protect and prolong, to delay the realities of this world for one precious length of time.
                At the end of a movie called “The Green Mile” the main character says something that has always stuck with me “I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it.”
                The world sees terror, hatred, acts of violence and barbarity so often it has become numb. Children murdered in their schools, buildings blown up by terrorists, people persecuted and mutilated because of what god they choose to worship, or sometimes just how they choose to worship the same god. Our indignity lasts fleeting moments, perhaps long enough for a tweet or post on Facebook, and then we move along with our lives. I am as guilty as any. We see it all and we revert into ourselves, we push away the unfamiliar and we blame those that belong to it, we generalize and stigmatize to help ourselves reason with what goes on.
                I am writing this week to extol you not to fear the world and the people in it. America is a great country because of our Constitution, because the men who wrote it and the women who influenced and guided their thoughts knew the value of freedom and humanity. They understood that no one can be placed above because of his birthright, origin, religion, or creed- eventually color was added to that understanding. I have been many places in the world and though our culture influences us, it is ultimately our humanity that defines us.
                Our current political discourse also is hot on the topic of immigration. Sometimes I feel that most people haven’t read about the history of their own country when I see the way they rail against immigrants.  Native Americans were certainly the first people here; most anthropologists think they came across a land bridge from Asia, so therefore they are immigrants.  Then came the Europeans, the Spanish to our current southern borders, the French to Canada and Louisiana and the English to the Eastern seaboard.  None “belonged here” more than the others, none were entitled to anything, they fought over it, committed crimes over it, bargained over it, and a few hundred years later we have America.  When I say none belong here it is only due to my belief that all belong here, all who value freedom and humanity that is.
                I was born in the west, and I have traveled the globe. My birthright is the vast expanses and horizons of the west, the forests and deserts that, though charted, still are wild. I have seen the masses of humanity, and yet also the desolation of places uninhabited. Don’t let people say there is no more space, that the last group in is to blame for the current state of affairs. This world is vast, bigger than any map or photo could ever convey.
                In Arizona and other border states we currently blame immigration from our southern neighbors for much of what ails us. I think those casting blame should see that the Spanish pre date the Anglo American settlers by a few hundred years. I also think we should be ashamed that people who desire freedom and to see their families prosper are not welcomed into a country that was built by similar people over our entire history. We can be so blind in viewing the world through a narrow lens. We can do ourselves such a disservice by not empathizing with strangers.
                I think of those immigrants in the Middle East and in Mexico, Central and South America. I think of the fathers and mothers sick with worry that harm will come to their children, that they will fail in their calling to see their families prosper. I think of how painful the unfamiliar journey to a country that seems so unwelcoming must be, when deep down they desperately desire the acceptance any of us would. I think of them and I pity them, and I pity those who are against them. A country has never failed because of immigration, they have only failed when they did not allow those who came to assimilate and become a part of them, treated with respect and dignity, and given the same freedoms and rights as those who came before them. The very motto of our country is “E Pluribus Unum”, out of many, One.
                Do not let fear dictate your courage. What is right and good remains so even though sometimes it is not rewarded. Do not let prejudice seep into your heart, do not let it blind you as it sometimes blinds me. Guard against the pride of your current circumstances bias the way you see others as you move through life. Realize that as a Christian God calls you to love even your enemies, so if we should love even our enemies how difficult should it to love strangers in need?              


Cora, you have been such a great big sister to your brother lately. You play with him and watch out for him all the time. Sometimes he hits you and acts out but you never seem to hit him back. He was sick last week and you were just so sweet, keeping him warm and cuddling him. I love it when I hear him say your name, calling to you and searching to find you. I love seeing my two blonde babies love each other.  You make me proud every day, I love you always.

Monday, August 24, 2015

10 Year Anniversary

               One of my hopes for each of you is that you live a life that stretches you. That sentence may be a bit confusing so I will try and explain. I don’t like heights, never have. Being way up in the air always makes me uncomfortable. I was never a climber of trees as a kid, in Boy Scouts I once repelled off of a tower and upon reaching the ground vowed to never again test my luck (or the ropes strength) for that matter. However, as my life progressed I didn’t want to let my fears hold me back from experience, adventure, and a good bit of adrenaline.
                Perhaps that is how I found myself atop a large mountain in Ager Spain, with a Spaniard who spoke little English strapped to my back, and both of us strapped to a large fabric sail.  As I prepared to run off the mountain my thoughts were, I hope I survive, and this is going to be a crazy ride. It was, and I certainly did not 100% enjoy being suspended 3,000 feet above the valley below, but it was beautiful, more so then it could have ever been if my feet were planted on terra firma. Just a side note, your mother is not afraid of heights, she jumped out of a plane once, I will never do that, she also followed me off the mountain, with a Spaniard of her own.
                Stretching yourself is difficult, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and stressful work. Complacency is easy; to sit at home, visiting familiar friends and familiar haunts, but this world is vast. My parents are not world travelers, your grandpa Ken loves the outdoors, but hates flying and so his travels were always within about 8 hours drive from Phoenix. Nothing is wrong with that, but the world is so much bigger.
                I have always had wanderlust, a desire to see new places, people and find new experiences. Thankfully I have found a career that not only provides the monetary means, but more often than not requires that I travel. Every trip has shown me something, imparted on me some lesson, and provided me with at least one memory that I will carry for the rest of my life. I don’t mean just the trips abroad, I still remember pulling over in Wyoming to sit silently and admire the plains with meandering rivers and white mountains in the distance. I remember visiting a small and dying lumber town in northern California where I had one of the best breakfasts I can remember before driving past trees that had been growing for hundreds of years, bearing witness to the slow progress of time. If I had time in my schedule I would often abandon the interstate and find a smaller road, a slower road, and when struck by some beauty pull over and let it take hold of me.
                For every reason to step outside your door there will be 10 to stay, for every adventure there will be a risk, hiding ever present behind the reward. Some people choose to substitute reason for fear, and fail to recognize that simply living a long life is not the same as living a full life. I often joke that I have lived long enough, I say it jokingly but I mean it wholeheartedly. That certainly does not mean that I seek death or take extreme risks, but it does mean that I have perspective.
                Your mother has seen firsthand, and through her I have seen secondhand the chaos and injustice of life. Young children succumb to cancer or illness, sometimes violence that ends their lives before they have really begun to live. I often think of those children and feel such gratitude for the life I have. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what you accomplish in this life it does not make death easier. I just completed my first trip to Europe for two weeks with your mother for our 10 year anniversary. It was a spectacular trip and we saw Italy, France and Spain. However, if upon my deathbed I would not think, “thank God I went to Europe”, for what would it matter in eternity, what solace would it really provide?
                I don’t say all of that to counter my desire to have each of you live lives where you step outside your comfort zones, I say it to temper the common belief that life is fulfilling because of what you fill it with. My life is fulfilling because of the love that is in it. Love of God, of your mother, of each of you, my family, and for strangers (sometimes, some strangers are hard to love!). Love that God demonstrated, love that your mother illuminated, and love that each of you brought to its full conclusion. If I had never been a father I don’t think I could have fully grasped God the Fathers love for me. If I hadn’t felt the selfless love I feel for each of you I could not have comprehended Gods love for me.

                This world is more beautiful because you are in it. The lands I visit are more vivid because of my love for you. My travels, my life, my adventures would be meaningless without knowing God, and having the love I do for and from my family. I pray that someday you see the world; I pray that eventually someone you choose to share your life with is by your side. I pray that you find your comfort zone and take a step or two beyond it. I pray that sometimes that step is an adventure, or an act of kindness to a stranger, or even an enemy, I pray you take it in faith, full of love, and knowing no matter where you go, or what you do, that I will always love and be there for you.    

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Up in the air

              It has been a very long time since I have written. The only explanation I have to offer is that I have felt a sense of shame that made me reluctant to do so. I wrote to you about our move, about how much stress it placed in my life and my sense of uncertainty about the path ahead. In December that uncertainty became regret, and for a time I was mired in it. What I had hoped for failed to come to fruition and my path ahead felt like a surrender instead of a struggle. Though I do not think in reality I failed to do what I had planned, I felt like a failure, and moreover I felt I had endangered my family through my decisions- and that was difficult to bear.
                It took me longer than it should have do discover the small business I joined was in no shape to take me on and provide a salary that would support our family. I don’t feel mislead by my friend, I just feel he did not fully realize the financial situation of his company as his experience in this area was very limited. I could have stayed and tried harder to make the effort work, but I found my heart was not in it, and that the risk to our future was too great. Furthermore, the longer I stayed the harder it would have ultimately been on my friend if the business was a failure, and I certainly did not want to be misleading with where my mind was at.
                In the end we parted ways as well as could be expected, and remain friends. I feel there is a lesson in that for both of you, namely that if you prioritize your family, but remain respectful and conscientious of your business partners that not all failures need to end in bitter feelings and lost relationships. I feel I looked after our family while at the same time looking after the long term interests of the House’s and in that I am very satisfied, though I do wish I would have been the answer they were looking for to turn their business around.
                I am finally writing because I no longer feel defeated, I have what amounts to a dream position and I have never been more excited about a job in all my life. Your father is now a Global Sales Manager with Honeywell’s Aerospace Division. Growing up in Phoenix I always dreamed about working for this company. Not only is the work rewarding and interesting but I felt a sort of family tie to it as well. The machine shop your grandfather and great grandfather ran did their work primarily for Honeywell. When I went for my interview I actually saw some of the products they had made years ago sitting in a display area. Walking in for my first day of work I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment and it filled me with a great deal of pride and gratitude that God had opened the doors he did.
                The moto “all’s well that ends well”, has some truth to it but it beguiles the fact that things that end well can start terribly, and the last 6 months have been mostly terrible for me. I underestimated how much identity and worth I found in my work. Reflecting back I guess it is because I have found success and upward momentum that feeling that fall all the way to the rock bottom hurt all the more. In my mind I kept being haunted by the fact that it was through my decisions I had found myself in this circumstance, and knowing it would have hurt far less if the decisions would not have been my own. The fact that life is now back on track only serves to re-enforce my determination to work harder and smarter to ensure our families prosperity. I feel like I have something to prove, not only to myself, but to others as well. I don’t know why I feel that need, and it somewhat bothers me that I do, I think it is left from when I was between jobs, and I felt a sense of shame during that time.
                I am only at the beginning of this new journey, and so this writing is still filled with uncertainty, but I wanted to be genuine with you both before these feelings passed completely. Failure is a bitter pill, but sooner or later you swallow it, sometimes you get a few doses. This makes at least two times in my life I have failed at something I set out to do. My reaction in each circumstance was to throw myself forward with all possible force and prove my worth, and each time I was successful thanks to Gods provision and faithfulness. There is another path that some follow, and I am seeing more and more how it separates the people in this world from one another.  
                When failure finds some they simply give up. They wallow in the grief, they lash out at others and fail to take responsibility for their own lives, they wish for what was and lose focus on what could be if only they took the initiative to make their lives their own. I have never felt entitled to anything, I have always known I had to earn my keep and prove my worth, it drives me, it encourages me, it helps me to stay determined and press forward. Success has more to do with your attitude about life than with the gifts you were given to go through it. People who cannot see past themselves are destined to never rise high in this world.

                I try to always write to you in order that you know me, and so that you can learn from me. In this case I hope you learn perseverance and persistence, that you cannot always expect to be dealt a fair hand and you will have to steel yourself for the challenges that will certainly come in life. I know one tremendous gift you will be armed with is our family, the love, support, and acceptance. I want so much to make each of you proud of me, I want you to admire your father. I love you both so much, and I am so thankful that God blessed me with both of you, you make me stronger, more determined, you keep me focused on what is important, and you have allowed me to better know myself. You are already each a perfect gift, and for each of you I have unending love.